Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will be naked everywhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
