The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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