So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
