Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
