Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You're like the curious george of whores
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
