He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
