Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
