Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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