So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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