Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am one with the molecules
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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