I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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