The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
