Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
