When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
