How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize