Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
