I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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