The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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