Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
