remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
