morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
did you just send me my own nude
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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