Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
