I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
