I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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