just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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