who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
