Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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