I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize