we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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