I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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