Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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