She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
