Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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