i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
