but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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