I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize