That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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