There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
