ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
