what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
