; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
