if i can run in heels then i can drive
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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