you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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