who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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