if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
