does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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