I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
