so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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