so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
