I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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