Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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