here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
