dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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