just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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