I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
