i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
