i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
