genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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