brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
