people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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