I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
